Hello everyone – I hope you’re all fine and dandy!
This is a blog post I’ve been oh-so excited to share for a while, all about our beloved B-Town. Yes, I just said that.
Ultimately, a guide to experience the typical Brightonian night out. It might be tacky, it might be rowdy, you may or may not leave with about 10 drinks spilt down your back and sick in your hair, but it’s gotta be done… right?
These are my 10 easy steps to experience a true, authentic, oh-so cultural night out in the seaside city. The first 3 steps are relevant to pretty much every night out, but after that… Brighton exclusives.
1 – TIME TO GET READY
I think it’s safe to say that the ‘jeans and a nice top’ dress code is a firm favourite in our city. Not too dressed up so you stick out like a bit of a sore twat, but not too shabby that you look like you should be spending your night down Volks.
*Who am I kidding? Dresses are also a prominent staple in some places, and Volks is actually alright come 5am. But I’ll keep that quiet for this blog post*
You’ll probably spend about 3 hours in total getting ready, plastering slap on your face, blow-drying your hair and choosing an outfit, so make sure you give yourself enough time. You don’t wanna be the one everyone’s screaming at because the taxi has just arrived and you’re still stickin’ ya eyelash on mid-wee.
2 – PRINKS
Earlier in the day you’ll have hunted out the cheapest bottle of wine known to man in your local Tesco Express. You drink the entire thing for pre-drinks (obviously). Why do adults seem to think this level of pre-drinking is utterly atrocious? Hun, you ain’t seen nothing yet if you think 1 bottle is a copious amount of Echo Falls to down.
Oh, and of course, this is to be consumed through a straw. You like to pretend you’re a wine connoisseur because you know what a Sauvingon Blanc tastes like – in reality, you’re drinking this sulfite-laden crap through gritted teeth, eyes-a-watering, gagging every so often. Go on, gal.
3 – ‘CAN YOU TAKE A PIC OF ME?’
You’ll con your friend into taking ‘a photo’ of you in your new outfit, and approximately 6098 pics later you might just spot one that’s slightly acceptable through your drunken vision for anyone else’s viewing and shrug ‘it’s alright’. Up on the gram it goes, with the generic caption ‘tonight!’
4 – THE FIRST DESTINATION
Let’s be honest, no matter how many classy cocktail bars or lively pubs you’ll discuss beforehand, you will end up in Wetherspoons.
After swiftly avoiding the ‘Boutique boys’ and ignoring their pleas to come in for £1 jägerbombs (been there, done that. Threw up in the sink. 1/10 do not recommend) you will walk into Spoons.
I mean… it’s pretty much the most lifeless and boring bar known to man, but they sell pitchers of cocktails for £5.99, so hey ho. ‘Nuff said.
5 – REVS REVS REVS!
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think any city loves it’s Revolution bar like Brighton does. Are you even a Brightonian if you don’t go to revs on a Saturday night? It’s just the place to go.
Yeah, you might spend most weekends slowly realising it’s not actually that good and wonder why you’ve ended up there again, but it’s just the place, okay? You’re only there for the deadly shot planks, anyway.
7 – ARE YOU FEELING BRAVE? SHOOSHH IT IS!
Enter at your own risk. This club is usually open till an ungodly hour, and it’s generally the place you venture to at the end of the night when you’re not quite ready to retire to your bed yet.
Your cash may be running out by this point, but do not fear! On the walk down, you’ll surely be bombarded by hordes of promoters giving out free shot vouchers, anyway.
I say enter at your own risk, because, as explained, this is the place you go towards the end of the night. A.K.A… everyone in there is, to put it lightly, hammered. I may have toppled down their spiral staircase on one occasion after getting a bit too excited about winning a free bottle of Belvedere, but we won’t discuss that. Honestly, it probably just made me blend in more.
8 – SLAP AWAY THE PERVERTS LIKE FLIES
Unfortunately, expect men to immerse you in Shooshh like the plague. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Enough ‘fuck offs’ and furious swats with your clutch bag should help.
You have to wonder what goes through these men’s minds when they try it on with you in the most bizarre fashion. No, 36 year old Darren from Basingstoke on your best mates stag do – I don’t want you stroking my hair or give two fucks if you think that I have nice eyes which you ‘spotted from across the room’. *This actually happens.*
It doesn’t impress me either, Darren, that you’re donning a VIP wristband you forked out an extra 2 quid on. PISS OFF AND LET ME DANCE.
We all know Darren will probably haunt you in the nightclub’s Facebook pictures the next day, clutching a bottle of Grey Goose and pointing at his friend, arm tensing so hard it’s surprising he didn’t shit himself. You just know.
9 – FOOOOOD = A VISIT TO BUDDIES
Buddies is just iconic to Brighton. It is the definition of a god-send. In case you’re unaware, Buddies is a full-blown restaurant that is open 24 hours a day. No, I’m not talking Maccy D’s – it has a vast menu full of burgers, pizza, nachos, steak, spaghetti, fry-ups… literally anything.
Oh, the sacred, holy Buddies. There’s nothing like a slap-up meal of garlic mushrooms and spaghetti bolognese, followed by a bannoffee pie at 5am, is there? At a normal hour, non-intoxicated, the food is undoubtedly beyond foul, but in your drunken state you’ll feel like you’re chowing down on Michelin-star grub, I tell ya.
10 – TO FLAG A CAB
Now, you’ll need to drunkenly negotiate with a cab driver to take you home for a reasonable price. This will not be a problem if you live anywhere near the centre of Brighton, but if you’re anywhere they consider ‘out of town’ – a.k.a. my house (a 15 minute drive) they will more often than not try and rob you of a fee triple the norm.
After asking about 6 cab drivers, you will eventually find one who’ll give you a decent fare, and you’ll sit in the back sneakily shoving leftover Buddies delicacies down your gullet.
So, there you have it. Follow these simple steps to enjoy an authentic Brighton night out. Don’t forget to down a pint or two of water before you pass out at home – you’re probably gonna need it. Proceed to wake up 6 hours later wearing mysteriously sticky attire from the night before, mascara strewn down your face and Buddies chips scattered all over your bed. The end.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post – after indulging in a Brighton night out, you’ll probably want to peruse my Hangover Guide, FYI. Thank me later.
Have you been for a night out in Brighton before? D’ya think I’m selling it to you?
Love, Dayna x